Dealing with competition

Studying and working in a highly competitive environment can be stimulating on the one hand, and to a large extent, harmful on the other. At secondary school, almost every boy in my year behaved competitively, often adopting the damaging attitude that one's gain only occurs at another's loss.

University life is no different. A friend of mine studying at a top university explained how, when he agreed to exchange essays with his peer, he never actually received the other essay despite offering his own. Having only just started university myself, I am beginning to feel the same thing, which motivated me to write this post. 

Such examples are prevalent at university and similar ones will most certainly appear in the workplace too. I believe I am not alone in saying that this form of 'competition' is a great tragedy and potentially dangerous for our health and well-being. Let me explain why. 

The view that actions speak louder than words is almost universal. If I were to pursue the path of 'cut throat' competition, a signal would be sent to every other person in my environment, and he or she will probably refuse to collaborate with me in the future, and for good reasons too. (Simple game theory, but it's true)

Thus, even if you might feel that working on your own might benefit you in some cases, there will almost certainly be a time when you need the help of others. That help is conditional on offering your assistance when others ask for it, or at the very least, refraining from behaving ruthlessly without much care about the performance of your peers. 

I understand that too much collaboration might serve against your interests. Of course, the number of internship placements and jobs is fixed. Offering extensive advice and support to others, then, could well accelerate their appeal to employers, thereby creating more competition for you.

But what if you also benefit from the process? What if the exchange is mutually beneficial? What if in helping others, more and more people come to help you? What if you become a beacon of inspiration?

Now, admittedly, I have no serious work experience, because I am a student. However, one thing that I do know, from speaking with business leaders and CEOs, is that fulfilling favours in the workplace go a long way. 

Recently, I had the privilege to meet and talk with Vernon Hill, the Chairman and Founder of Metro Bank, also a billionaire. He explained how a key part of his success was that he provided regular favours to his business partners and investors, not often expecting something in return, but usually getting some help, perhaps in the form of capital, that significantly aided the growth of his company.

A more simple case could occur in a nightclub. For example, most people are reluctant to buy you a drink if you ask them. Yet if you buy a drink for a (new) friend, he or she is likely to return the favour later in the night.

The point is that most of us are scared to take the first step. Scared of being exploited or used. I, for one, have been exploited many times. Yet, on many more occasions, I have benefited from reaching out to, and working with, other people, who also happen to be my 'competition'. 

So you have a choice. You can either live in a very stressful environment where you are constantly assessing your competition and finding a way to be the best, though probably being unsuccessful, and more importantly, unhappy. Or you could seek to form symbiotic relationships that delivers a Win/Win outcome. I hope I have convinced you to opt for the latter option. 

What is your standard for success?

Take a minute to visualise a successful person in your mind. What would he or she look like? One successful person might have a sports car, a mansion, and a wonderful set of friends. Another successful person could be a volunteer in a developing country. Yet another successful person might be an ordinary boy or girl going to university.

Success is measurable. However, the standards against which we measure success are different for each and every person, meaning that different interpretations of success exist.

For some people, success is defined by how much income one earns and the total value of one's assets, the so called 'net worth'. This approach has become overgeneralised to the extent that most of us associate a wealthy person as highly successful (and usually powerful).

There is some merit in this view. For example, in order to assemble and maintain such vast wealth and money, one must work very hard, not just for one or two years, but for decades on end. On the other hand, there are cases in which such wealth is either inherited or acquired unethically and without much committment, in which case our view of success might change.

Mike Bloomberg, in an interview, pointed out that, while his net worth is in the billions, that is not the standard against which he judges his success.

Mike said the following:

"As mayor of New York City, I judged the success of the team that I led by the number of lives we saved, the number of business opportunities we created, and the number of young people we managed to send to college."

Savings lives, creating business opportunities, and sending young people to university are not the 'conventional' measures of success, perhaps because these indicators go beyond the individual.

This, then, leads onto the purpose of this post, which is highlight that defining success is a very opaque task, where there is room for much debate and controversy, principally because our views on the matter differ.

The important thing to remember is that YOU define your own success by choosing the standard against which to judge it. Your standard is likely to change over the course of your lifetime and such change should be embraced.

Remain open-minded and choose your standard carefully, for the standard you select often reveals a lot about you.

You are your punctuation

Ted Sorensen, John F Kennedy's legendary speech writer, held the view that delivering a speech and writing a sound essay were virtually the same thing.

There is simple formula to follow in each case:

1) Tell your target what you are about to tell them.

2) Tell them.

3) Tell your target what you told them.

While the content of a speech, such as the type of evidence used, will differ from that of an essay, the structure of each narration is largely similar according to this approach.

Back in secondary school, I employed this method when writing my history essays, usually to great effect, achieving top marks.

However, when delivering a speech, a wider awareness of how the audience interprets what you are saying is important.

Understanding how an audience might listen to or engage with a speech starts with the fact that there is no punctuation for them to spot. The end of a sentence of speech, when delivered, does not include a full stop, question mark, or exclamation mark. Similarly, there are no commas or semi-colons to identify.

Instead, you, as the orator, are your own punctuation. Your tone, body language, movements, and eye-content all serve as punctuation when giving a speech.

To deliver an effective speech, then, you must employ your punctuation arsenal, varying your hand gestures to emphasise a particular point, or walking in the opposite direction when changing your line of argument.

Using your voice and body in different ways when giving a speech should aid the content of your argument. The reason being is that auditory memory is usually inferior to visual memory, meaning that even if your audience forgets part of what you said, they are likely to recall on your specific body actions to remember the point you were making.

So if you're a great writer, there is no guarantee that you are also a great speaker, without first being able to use a form of punctuation effectively. The last point to consider is that, just as a writer adapts her writing when targeting different readers, so should a speaker adapt his speaking and gesture techniques when targeting a different audience.

Remember, your voice and your body are your punctuation when giving a speech.

About time, the past, and our memories

Time is confusing for all of us. Hurtful moments in the past, such as the break-up of a relationship, the failure to achieve a personal goal, or the loss of a loved one, are difficult to get over and remain deep in our thoughts for a long time, if not forever. We've all been there; I certainly have.

Positive memories can also elicit sad feelings. As we refer back to these happy moments in the past, we may cry out, asking why, most of the time, these memories are difficult or impossible to relive in the present or the future.

Thus, our thoughts and memories, whether positive or negative, hold a firm place within our minds because they have had a powerful impact on us in the past. We should accept this fact.

Thoughts and memories, like an idea, are highly resilient, and once they take hold of your brain, they are difficult to eradicate.

Now, I am not suggesting that we should go about eradicating the memories that often cause us harm, because these memories are also beautiful and special to us. Yet we should be careful in how we interpret and register our memories, trying to let go of the ones that hold us back.

But how?

The answer lies in first understanding that each unique thought is incredibly powerful, like a philosophical idea such as democracy, freedom, or justice. To fully comprehend this point, remember that people are more willing to fight and suffer for an idea or vision, than for things such as money, fame, or popularity. 

Replacing a powerful thought is only possible if a more powerful one can take its place. 

This point captures the essence of letting go of the past: focusing your attention on incredible opportunities and ideas standing in the present or those yet to appear in the future. 

Let me share a personal experience to elaborate. At the time of my relationship break-up a year ago, I was completely heartbroken, literally. All I could think about was how I would ever recover and if I could love someone special again. Sounds dramatic right? 

Over the following months, I focused on fulfilling important purposes based on ideas: tutoring 'A' level students from underprivileged backgrounds, helping them succeed in their exams; travelling and experiencing South Africa; and working as a researcher for a non-profit. 

During these wonderful, yet intense, experiences, I completely forgot about my break-up: one idea had quickly replaced another. So here's the messages to take home: 

1) Time heals wounds in the past, so be patient.

2) Open your eyes to the present; there's so much you can do!

3) Reach out to friends and family to release your feelings; you will feel relieved of a great burden. 

4) Remember that your memories and thoughts are incredibly powerful, so treat them with great care.