The conundrum women face

What does a twenty year old man have to say about women, their work, and their lifestyles? Probably not a lot, and I suggest that you take my points in this post with a pinch of salt. That said, I believe that the issues I raise here are incredibly important and worth your time and consideration.

It could be argued that women lead a life that is somewhat more difficult than that of men. Women face the challenging task of balancing parenting and a working life, whereas most men often focus exclusively on the latter, usually proving to be more successful than women. This is reflected by, for example, the disproportionate number of male CEOs and politicians.

Nonetheless, many female activists, entrepreneurs, and businesswomen have shown that it is possible to lead a life in which a woman has a successful career and is also raising her children in a healthy and happy manner. In this post, I want to direct my attention to the arguments put forth by Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook.

In her book, Lean In, which is an interesting and fascinating read, Sandberg makes the point that women often hold themselves back from business opportunities and devote too much of their time and effort on parenting or preparing for parenting.

Yet the topic of determination and drive is not so clear cut. Personal motivations are inherently complex to understand and decipher. Even Adam Smith, a social psychologist and moral philosopher, explained that human beings are subject to elements of both altruism and self-interest, and the proportions of each are not always defined by one's gender.

Moreover, our aspirations and determination are influenced by the type of education we receive, our peer group, our personal environment and experiences, and the connections and relationships we form with people. Thus, it is perhaps not entirely plausible to claim that it is only women who hold themselves back.

There is, however, a serious obstacle that women face: when a woman is successful, she will probably be disliked by both men and other women. Meanwhile, successful men are commonly liked by other men and women.

A case study, titled Howard/Heidi, was performed, which illustrated that two individuals, each of equal standing in terms of success, received a different reception depending on his or her name, a proxy for attitudes towards gender.

While responders rated Howard and Heidi equally in terms of success, they considered Howard to be a likeable person, whereas they considered Heidi to be selfish and not "the type of person you would hire or work for".

Women consequently face a conundrum. We all want to be liked, but we also want to be successful. So the situation boils down to a choice. Should you sacrifice being disliked by a number of people in exchange for becoming successful? I think you should, let me explain why.

Let's say that, as a woman, some people dislike you. Ask yourself this question: is there realistically anything that I can do to make people like me? Probably not. Furthermore, even if you manage to  please other people, you will probably not please yourself, which is ultimately more important.

To conclude, I want to emphasise that there is not yet a clear answer to this conundrum that women face. The debate Sheryl Sandberg is attempting to stimulate is crucial to deliver more female leaders. Moreover, I agree with her: we should be having this conversation more frequently.

I understand that the topics here are very sensitive, and it may seen unnatural to talk about them, but these issues are also very important, for both men and women.

Let's keep the debate going.