Emotional Intelligence, the defining characteristic of great leaders

Consider any great leader: Winston Churchill; Martin Luther King; John F Kennedy; Ronald Reagan; Mahatma Gandhi; and Benazir Bhutto. All of the mentioned leaders were incredibly intelligent, but it was not their intelligence that defined them as great leaders; it was their emotional intelligence.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman coined the phrase 'emotional intelligence', writing a book with the same title. He argues that truly successful leaders almost always display emotional intelligence, manifested in self-awareness, self-control, motivation, drive, empathy, and social skill.

These soft skills have more recently been emphasised as key characteristics of those who run the world's most successful and powerful organisations. Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs highlights the need to become 'a complete person', capable of interacting with a wide range of people, while his rival, Jamie Dimon of JP Morgan, stresses the necessity of keeping one's emotions in control during tough and turbulent times.

That is not to deny the value of intelligence for sound leadership. Instead, it is my aim to argue, in this post, that intelligence is a necessary albeit insufficient condition for developing oneself into a successful leader. We all know of one person who is incredibly bright and smart, but who did not succeed to a great extent as a leader.

Why not?

To provide a satisfactory answer, let us consider, in some detail, three key components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, motivation, and empathy.

Developing self-awareness is to explore and understand one's values, desires, and areas for improvement. People with self-awareness know what makes them 'tick' and where they are going in life and how they will get there.

For instance, a self-aware person, who suffers from the pressure surrounding tight deadlines, will plan ahead and complete the required work well in advance. Self-aware people also admit to their mistakes, and as a result, are more likely to learn from their mistakes and perform better in the future.

Self-aware candidates demonstrate a thirst for constructive criticism, because they realise the potential to growth through listening to others. 

Second, if there is one trait that all great leaders possess, it is motivation. We are all motivated by external factors in the world, be it money, status, or power. Truly great leaders, however, are motivated by a deeply embedded desire to achieve for sake of achieving and becoming great.

These people love what they do and display unconditional enthusiasm and energy almost all of the time. These are the people who do not accept the status quo as given; they are the game changers in business, law, medicine, and other professional realms.

Highly motivated leaders remain optimistic even when the odds are against them. 

Finally, empathy is a crucial skill that great leaders have developed over time. Empathy does not equate with pity. Rather, it refers to the ability of a leader to recognise and understand the feelings of her team and base intelligent decisions on how her team is performing.

Given the need to attract and retain talented employees and team members, it is needless to say that leaders must be able to communicate and engage with their team in a meaningful and connected manner, such that the whole team feels a part of something special and capable of doing good for the team and the wider community.


To summarise, great leaders with emotional intelligence are:

1. able to understand their internal drivers and values

2. motivated to purse what they love unconditionally and relentlessly

3. capable of connecting with a wide range of people

4. able to empathise and listen to people and make intelligent decisions on that basis

and most importantly...

5. are not scared by what they are capable of achieving


Be a great leader by developing your own emotional intelligence.

Love at first sight?

Think back to a time when you were starstruck, literally, after seeing a man or woman whom you believed to be, without a doubt, your true love. Whether you both shared a certain twinkle in your eyes, or let off a small smirk after glancing at each for a few seconds, there is most certainly something special at play in these moments.

The most intense forms of love tend to occur in the early stages of a relationship, suggesting that our attraction to someone at the first instance of seeing them is usually an occurrence that remains in our minds and hearts.

Further evidence that love at first sight exists arises from the fact that human beings have the ability to judge, within a few seconds, whether they believe another person is attractive in their eyes. The first step in almost every relationship is based on attraction based on physical appearance.

A similar line of reasoning maintains that first impressions have a powerful influence on us. Here the two possibilities are at either extremes. In the first, positive instance, we are completely blown away by a guy or gal that we want to wrap our arms around them until the end of eternity, though we never actually deliver on this. 

On the other extreme, we are somewhat disgusted by another's pride, arrogance, or lack of empathy, that we choose to repel ourselves away from him or her, even though our judgement here is in fact very superficial and immature. 

My purpose in this post, however, is to present a case that undermines the view that love at first sight exists. Here's why.

First, there is no compelling reason for accepting that love has to be a noun. Love is also verb. To love someone is to be there for her unconditionally, in bad times and good, an action. To love someone is to make sacrifices for her, another action. See the pattern?

Second, to develop a feeling for someone that is as powerful and intense as the feeling of love requires us to grasp a deeper understanding of another's soft side. Traits such as intellect, compassion, kindness, and a good sense of humour cannot be revealed at first insight. On this basis, it is difficult to develop love, in a truly meaningful way, at first sight. 

Let me be clear and admit that there is definitely a case to be made for feeling substantial arousals when first seeing someone whom we believe to be somewhat extraordinary and special to us. I personally have experienced this many times in life.

Yet to claim that we 'are in love' after an initial encounter is perhaps stretching too far, given that love is something we develop over a long period of time. 

REMEMBER

Love is not only a noun, but also a verb.

Do what makes you come alive

'It felt like breathing; it felt right.'

She came alive, at the age of 20, when she held her first talk show event. She is Oprah Winfrey and she is a woman regarded by many around the world as a source of inspiration, love, and meaning.

Coming alive is to pursue a passion relentlessly and without care about what others might think. Coming alive is to live every day with enthusiasm and drive, always striving to fulfil your greatest potential.

This is mentally draining, which is why Oprah strongly emphasises that we each find what makes us tick and wake up in the morning, so that we can persevere when things get tough, because we love what we do.

Let's now consider how doing the thing that 'makes us come alive' fits in with success. For the purposes of clarity, we will look at Oprah as an example.

Serving as the lead on one of the most popular talk shows in world clearly has its financial benefits. We should never neglect the importance of money and attaining a position of financial stability.

Money helps us cater for our needs and for those whom we are responsible, such as our family and friends. Money also enables us to seize opportunities, to which we would not be exposed if we did not have a sufficient amount of money.

Money does not, however, add meaning to one's life. Meaning comes from listening to your feelings and making decisions based on your gut, says Oprah. Your gut is your GPS for life, guiding you through obstacles, challenges, and uncertainty.

Here's the difficult part. Only YOU can understand your gut feeling. So, making a decision based on your gut could seem entirely absurd from the perspective of other people, but to you it IS natural. IT IS RIGHT. There is a good case, then, for developing the resilience, over time, to care less about the views others hold about your decisions and instead devote more attention to understanding how we feel as unique individuals.

What about failure? What if doing the thing that makes me come alive is challenging and hard? As you already know, nobody said that anything worthwhile is easy. Let me, however, share some advice that I received quite recently.

Michael Nartey, co-head of Global Distribution at Barclays (formerly managing director at Goldman Sachs), is a man who rose to the top of one of the world's greatest financial institutions having been born and lived in Ghana for a large part of his life.

He said the following:

'If you are able to go home, reflect on the possible lessons that you should learn from your mistake or failure today, and come into work the next day with a fresh mindset that involves not thinking about the day before, then you will become successful.'

Michael's point could alternatively be explained in the following way: learn from your mistakes, but live in the present.

I cannot over emphasise the importance of living in the present. Opportunities, in the form of occasions to seize career-related opportunities, to develop and enhance your relationships, or to simply laugh and hug the people you love, occur in the present.

We cannot seize these wonderful opportunities that add meaning and happiness in our lives if we are too consumed with the past or too worried about what the future may bring.

Both are outside our control: we cannot change the past and we have virtually no influence over the future. Developing the humility and resilience to concede to this fact is the first step in letting go of a burden that keeps us back and arriving at a more peaceful state of mind.

Find what you love, what makes you come alive, and devote yourself to that day in, day out, with integrity, passion, and endless drive.

Do what makes you come alive and show it to the rest of the world

The conundrum women face

What does a twenty year old man have to say about women, their work, and their lifestyles? Probably not a lot, and I suggest that you take my points in this post with a pinch of salt. That said, I believe that the issues I raise here are incredibly important and worth your time and consideration.

It could be argued that women lead a life that is somewhat more difficult than that of men. Women face the challenging task of balancing parenting and a working life, whereas most men often focus exclusively on the latter, usually proving to be more successful than women. This is reflected by, for example, the disproportionate number of male CEOs and politicians.

Nonetheless, many female activists, entrepreneurs, and businesswomen have shown that it is possible to lead a life in which a woman has a successful career and is also raising her children in a healthy and happy manner. In this post, I want to direct my attention to the arguments put forth by Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook.

In her book, Lean In, which is an interesting and fascinating read, Sandberg makes the point that women often hold themselves back from business opportunities and devote too much of their time and effort on parenting or preparing for parenting.

Yet the topic of determination and drive is not so clear cut. Personal motivations are inherently complex to understand and decipher. Even Adam Smith, a social psychologist and moral philosopher, explained that human beings are subject to elements of both altruism and self-interest, and the proportions of each are not always defined by one's gender.

Moreover, our aspirations and determination are influenced by the type of education we receive, our peer group, our personal environment and experiences, and the connections and relationships we form with people. Thus, it is perhaps not entirely plausible to claim that it is only women who hold themselves back.

There is, however, a serious obstacle that women face: when a woman is successful, she will probably be disliked by both men and other women. Meanwhile, successful men are commonly liked by other men and women.

A case study, titled Howard/Heidi, was performed, which illustrated that two individuals, each of equal standing in terms of success, received a different reception depending on his or her name, a proxy for attitudes towards gender.

While responders rated Howard and Heidi equally in terms of success, they considered Howard to be a likeable person, whereas they considered Heidi to be selfish and not "the type of person you would hire or work for".

Women consequently face a conundrum. We all want to be liked, but we also want to be successful. So the situation boils down to a choice. Should you sacrifice being disliked by a number of people in exchange for becoming successful? I think you should, let me explain why.

Let's say that, as a woman, some people dislike you. Ask yourself this question: is there realistically anything that I can do to make people like me? Probably not. Furthermore, even if you manage to  please other people, you will probably not please yourself, which is ultimately more important.

To conclude, I want to emphasise that there is not yet a clear answer to this conundrum that women face. The debate Sheryl Sandberg is attempting to stimulate is crucial to deliver more female leaders. Moreover, I agree with her: we should be having this conversation more frequently.

I understand that the topics here are very sensitive, and it may seen unnatural to talk about them, but these issues are also very important, for both men and women.

Let's keep the debate going.

Success is an iceberg

As I was casually browsing through my LinkedIn news feed, I came across a spectacular image that immediately caught my attention. That image was of an iceberg.

Now, on a normal occasion, I find icebergs neither very appealing nor interesting, but this was not such an occasion. In this instance, the iceberg served as a manifestation of something very important:

That there always an underlying feature, idea, or story behind every single instance of success

Before we proceed to discuss this issue in more depth, let us actually look at the iceberg:

The most noticeable characteristic of this iceberg is that the amount of ice below the water is far greater than the amount of ice above the water. This also happens to be a true fact about icebergs, in case you were wondering. 

However, the interesting discussion here refers to the ratio between how much work one performs relative to the degree of success one achieves. The former is far greater than the latter.

So what does this all mean for us?

Quite simply, it means that the shortest way to success is to take the long way. It means that achieving our goals will take a great deal of time, hard work, failure, and perseverance. 

It means that there will be moments in your journey towards success when matters will become more challenging and difficult. 

Notice also that the width of the ice below the water increases as you approach the surface. This could refer to the fact that, as you get closer and closer to achieving your goal, more and more effort is needed to push through those final few steps when you are getting tired and fatigued. 

That a part of the natural world, such as an iceberg, is so in touch with our struggles and aspirations is fascinating and telling. The value of this image, in my view, lies exactly in its relation with the natural world.

This seems somewhat confusing so let me simplify my point: facing challenges and struggling your way towards success is a perfectly natural experience. In other words, it will definitely happen.

You will fail. You will be placed outside of your comfort zone. You will take risks.

But when you reach the surface, and breath the crispy antarctic air, it will all be worth it.

Visualise your path to success as an iceberg!

Defending Wall Street

Since the Financial Recession of 2008, Wall Street has been labelled as ruthless, reckless, and imprudent. There is certainly some merit in this view. The construction of asset-backed securities, and their misguided distribution throughout the economy, triggered a severe credit crunch, from which we are still recovering today.

Yet such shocks to the system are exceptions, rather than the rule, of the general framework. In fact, I aim to argue that Wall Street (I use the term to universally represent all financial sectors worldwide) is a significantly important part of a successful and healthy global economy. 

Why is Wall Street, and more importantly finance in general, so crucial? The answer rests in the relationship outlined below. Let's say a business identifies a profit opportunity, but does not possess the relevant resources to execute the initiative. How should the business proceed? Naturally, it would seek the help of an investment bank to finance its investment and create value in the process.

Innovative Idea + Finance = Tangible Progress

Any initiative that creates value and improves the standard of living requires resources to do so. It is the role of financial institutions to raise the necessary funding, usually through equity or debt, that enables a business to convert its idea into something tangible. 

In other words, finance facilitates entrepreneurship, which, in turn, serves as the engine of most developed countries. Thus, the beauty and value of Wall Street does not lies in its existence, per se, but rather in its capacity to search for and identify the relevant businesses that require assistance to make their investments happen. 

Note that the argument I have presented here is not at all complicated, even though it is most definitely overlooked. This fundamental role of finance is brushed aside, largely because the reception of finance in the press focuses on currency manipulation, the rigging of interest rates, and other malicious acts.

These harmful activities do occur on Wall Street. Unfortunately, eliminating them entirely is likely to prove both impossible and unfeasible, though reforms, such as Dodd-Frank, and regulators, such as the FSA, have certainly curbed this type of behaviour in recent years.

There is, moreover, an element of non-profit finance on Wall Street. This is the equivalent of the 'pro bono' work that law firms perform to demonstrate their consideration for the society at large. Non-profit finance focuses on initiatives that enhance progress in communities and schools. 

However, non-profit finance is not the main backbone of Wall Street. To fully appreciate the importance of Wall Street, let us perform a thought experiment.

Imagine that Wall Street did not exist, what would the world look like? (It is often easier to appreciate the importance of something by considering the impact of its absence). 

A short answer is this: we would likely return to the primitive age. Any businessperson hoping to change the world could not do so. The visions of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, and Eric Schmidt could not be fulfilled (yes, even these entrepreneurs need finance to give them a boost).

Yes, I accept that Wall Street includes reckless behaviour, but so does Silicon Valley and almost every other industry. Behaving irrationally and at the expense of society if it serves our own interests is a perfectly human feature. 

Let us move beyond these fallacies of Wall Street and finance, focusing instead on their wider impact, which improves lives and creates jobs. 

Emotional Intelligence, it works!

Do you ever wonder why Harvey Specter, the protagonist in the TV series Suits, is so successful in his role as a corporate lawyer? Is it because he has a JD from Harvard Law? Unlikely, since many people have a law degree from Harvard, but not all are as successful as him. Is it because of his handsome appearance and good charm? Perhaps.

While Harvey Specter is a fictitious character, and he is unlikely to closely resemble anyone in the real world, my conjecture is that Harvey's success can ultimately be attributed to his emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is a topic within psychology, and it is becoming more popular recently. It basically refers to the ability to handle one's emotions with care and thought, exercise self-confidence, and persevere in the face of adversity. Since Harvey is able to perform each of these (difficult) tasks very well, we have a possible explanation for his success.

Let us move beyond Harvey now, and consider how thinking about and developing our emotional intelligence could help us become more successful and happy.

To a very large extent, intelligence and hard work are necessary factors in education, the workplace, and in our personal lives. At the same time, however, life is full of tragedies, failures, and other unfortunate events.

Intelligence, per se, does not present a useful way to overcome these challenges: there is virtually no common ground between solving a differential equation and moving on from a relationship break-up. Thus, being able to do the former does not necessarily mean that you can do the latter.

In the realm of the legal world, in which Harvey operates, there are a lot of bright minds, and certainly a lot of hard workers. The distinguishing feature, then, is in fact whether one possesses a degree of emotional intelligence.

The job of a lawyer entails gruelling hours, working with hostile people, and sacrificing some part of your personal life. Being able to exercise self-restraint is, therefore, pivotal in performing the job effectively, not least because the failure to do so can result in a 'breakdown', which significantly hinders one's well being.

The point I am making here is that if you do not happen to be as smart as the person next to you, that does not mean your chances of achieving success are lower. Sure, most entrepreneurs and scientists, who have literally changed the world, were smart and intelligent. But then again, so were many of the ones who did not make it.

Again, the distinguishing feature is emotional intelligence, the ability to remain in control of yourself and refuse to give up when any sign of progress seems nonexistent.

To wrap things up, let me finish with the following:

Emotional intelligence is NOT determined. It is a skill. 

As with any other skill, your emotional intelligence can grow stronger with practice.

Start today. Before losing control and breaking out when things do not go as planned, take a moment to think. Think about your feelings, your state of mind, and how you should proceed from this difficult situation. 

Think about how Harvey handles himself in a high pressure environment and how you could do the same too. 

Think more about your emotional intelligence, and less about 'intelligence' alone. Your emotions are intricate and very powerful. Treat them with care and you will see yourself become a more fulfilled person. 

Dealing with competition

Studying and working in a highly competitive environment can be stimulating on the one hand, and to a large extent, harmful on the other. At secondary school, almost every boy in my year behaved competitively, often adopting the damaging attitude that one's gain only occurs at another's loss.

University life is no different. A friend of mine studying at a top university explained how, when he agreed to exchange essays with his peer, he never actually received the other essay despite offering his own. Having only just started university myself, I am beginning to feel the same thing, which motivated me to write this post. 

Such examples are prevalent at university and similar ones will most certainly appear in the workplace too. I believe I am not alone in saying that this form of 'competition' is a great tragedy and potentially dangerous for our health and well-being. Let me explain why. 

The view that actions speak louder than words is almost universal. If I were to pursue the path of 'cut throat' competition, a signal would be sent to every other person in my environment, and he or she will probably refuse to collaborate with me in the future, and for good reasons too. (Simple game theory, but it's true)

Thus, even if you might feel that working on your own might benefit you in some cases, there will almost certainly be a time when you need the help of others. That help is conditional on offering your assistance when others ask for it, or at the very least, refraining from behaving ruthlessly without much care about the performance of your peers. 

I understand that too much collaboration might serve against your interests. Of course, the number of internship placements and jobs is fixed. Offering extensive advice and support to others, then, could well accelerate their appeal to employers, thereby creating more competition for you.

But what if you also benefit from the process? What if the exchange is mutually beneficial? What if in helping others, more and more people come to help you? What if you become a beacon of inspiration?

Now, admittedly, I have no serious work experience, because I am a student. However, one thing that I do know, from speaking with business leaders and CEOs, is that fulfilling favours in the workplace go a long way. 

Recently, I had the privilege to meet and talk with Vernon Hill, the Chairman and Founder of Metro Bank, also a billionaire. He explained how a key part of his success was that he provided regular favours to his business partners and investors, not often expecting something in return, but usually getting some help, perhaps in the form of capital, that significantly aided the growth of his company.

A more simple case could occur in a nightclub. For example, most people are reluctant to buy you a drink if you ask them. Yet if you buy a drink for a (new) friend, he or she is likely to return the favour later in the night.

The point is that most of us are scared to take the first step. Scared of being exploited or used. I, for one, have been exploited many times. Yet, on many more occasions, I have benefited from reaching out to, and working with, other people, who also happen to be my 'competition'. 

So you have a choice. You can either live in a very stressful environment where you are constantly assessing your competition and finding a way to be the best, though probably being unsuccessful, and more importantly, unhappy. Or you could seek to form symbiotic relationships that delivers a Win/Win outcome. I hope I have convinced you to opt for the latter option. 

What is your standard for success?

Take a minute to visualise a successful person in your mind. What would he or she look like? One successful person might have a sports car, a mansion, and a wonderful set of friends. Another successful person could be a volunteer in a developing country. Yet another successful person might be an ordinary boy or girl going to university.

Success is measurable. However, the standards against which we measure success are different for each and every person, meaning that different interpretations of success exist.

For some people, success is defined by how much income one earns and the total value of one's assets, the so called 'net worth'. This approach has become overgeneralised to the extent that most of us associate a wealthy person as highly successful (and usually powerful).

There is some merit in this view. For example, in order to assemble and maintain such vast wealth and money, one must work very hard, not just for one or two years, but for decades on end. On the other hand, there are cases in which such wealth is either inherited or acquired unethically and without much committment, in which case our view of success might change.

Mike Bloomberg, in an interview, pointed out that, while his net worth is in the billions, that is not the standard against which he judges his success.

Mike said the following:

"As mayor of New York City, I judged the success of the team that I led by the number of lives we saved, the number of business opportunities we created, and the number of young people we managed to send to college."

Savings lives, creating business opportunities, and sending young people to university are not the 'conventional' measures of success, perhaps because these indicators go beyond the individual.

This, then, leads onto the purpose of this post, which is highlight that defining success is a very opaque task, where there is room for much debate and controversy, principally because our views on the matter differ.

The important thing to remember is that YOU define your own success by choosing the standard against which to judge it. Your standard is likely to change over the course of your lifetime and such change should be embraced.

Remain open-minded and choose your standard carefully, for the standard you select often reveals a lot about you.

You are your punctuation

Ted Sorensen, John F Kennedy's legendary speech writer, held the view that delivering a speech and writing a sound essay were virtually the same thing.

There is simple formula to follow in each case:

1) Tell your target what you are about to tell them.

2) Tell them.

3) Tell your target what you told them.

While the content of a speech, such as the type of evidence used, will differ from that of an essay, the structure of each narration is largely similar according to this approach.

Back in secondary school, I employed this method when writing my history essays, usually to great effect, achieving top marks.

However, when delivering a speech, a wider awareness of how the audience interprets what you are saying is important.

Understanding how an audience might listen to or engage with a speech starts with the fact that there is no punctuation for them to spot. The end of a sentence of speech, when delivered, does not include a full stop, question mark, or exclamation mark. Similarly, there are no commas or semi-colons to identify.

Instead, you, as the orator, are your own punctuation. Your tone, body language, movements, and eye-content all serve as punctuation when giving a speech.

To deliver an effective speech, then, you must employ your punctuation arsenal, varying your hand gestures to emphasise a particular point, or walking in the opposite direction when changing your line of argument.

Using your voice and body in different ways when giving a speech should aid the content of your argument. The reason being is that auditory memory is usually inferior to visual memory, meaning that even if your audience forgets part of what you said, they are likely to recall on your specific body actions to remember the point you were making.

So if you're a great writer, there is no guarantee that you are also a great speaker, without first being able to use a form of punctuation effectively. The last point to consider is that, just as a writer adapts her writing when targeting different readers, so should a speaker adapt his speaking and gesture techniques when targeting a different audience.

Remember, your voice and your body are your punctuation when giving a speech.

About time, the past, and our memories

Time is confusing for all of us. Hurtful moments in the past, such as the break-up of a relationship, the failure to achieve a personal goal, or the loss of a loved one, are difficult to get over and remain deep in our thoughts for a long time, if not forever. We've all been there; I certainly have.

Positive memories can also elicit sad feelings. As we refer back to these happy moments in the past, we may cry out, asking why, most of the time, these memories are difficult or impossible to relive in the present or the future.

Thus, our thoughts and memories, whether positive or negative, hold a firm place within our minds because they have had a powerful impact on us in the past. We should accept this fact.

Thoughts and memories, like an idea, are highly resilient, and once they take hold of your brain, they are difficult to eradicate.

Now, I am not suggesting that we should go about eradicating the memories that often cause us harm, because these memories are also beautiful and special to us. Yet we should be careful in how we interpret and register our memories, trying to let go of the ones that hold us back.

But how?

The answer lies in first understanding that each unique thought is incredibly powerful, like a philosophical idea such as democracy, freedom, or justice. To fully comprehend this point, remember that people are more willing to fight and suffer for an idea or vision, than for things such as money, fame, or popularity. 

Replacing a powerful thought is only possible if a more powerful one can take its place. 

This point captures the essence of letting go of the past: focusing your attention on incredible opportunities and ideas standing in the present or those yet to appear in the future. 

Let me share a personal experience to elaborate. At the time of my relationship break-up a year ago, I was completely heartbroken, literally. All I could think about was how I would ever recover and if I could love someone special again. Sounds dramatic right? 

Over the following months, I focused on fulfilling important purposes based on ideas: tutoring 'A' level students from underprivileged backgrounds, helping them succeed in their exams; travelling and experiencing South Africa; and working as a researcher for a non-profit. 

During these wonderful, yet intense, experiences, I completely forgot about my break-up: one idea had quickly replaced another. So here's the messages to take home: 

1) Time heals wounds in the past, so be patient.

2) Open your eyes to the present; there's so much you can do!

3) Reach out to friends and family to release your feelings; you will feel relieved of a great burden. 

4) Remember that your memories and thoughts are incredibly powerful, so treat them with great care.

What we can learn from Oprah Winfrey

When asked about her job, Oprah responded with the following: "My job isn't to be an interviewer, or to run my own talk show. My job to raise the level of consciousness and connect people to each other and to ideas, so that we can all live better lives."

Consciousness. The word is not prevalent nowadays, and is perhaps only used in urgent situations in which someone has lost his or her senses completely and become unconscious. Yet consciousness stems deeper than that. It relates to our longings, our passions, our purpose, and ultimately, what is most important to us: validation.

Beyond our narrow desire for money, fame, popularity, or anything else of this kind, is something much simpler. That is a desire to place ourselves in our environment in a meaningful way. For Oprah, this meant relating to her interviewees, from the Ku Klux Klan to Beyonce, on a personal level, discovering what lies at the core of each interviewee: validation.

Oprah has also given an example of her longing for validation. As a reporter, she discussed the possibility of receiving a raise from her employer. Upon realising that her employer was not 'on her level', incapable of understanding her position, needs, and emotions, Oprah decided to quit her job as a reporter. She could not fulfil her potential in a place where her abilities and principles were not understood, yet alone valued and respected.

This is an important point. Every person seeks validation. A child wants to be understood and appreciated by his or her parents. Investors want to be reassured that their capital is being utilised in such a way that yields profit. Ordinary citizens want to know that their government is making choices that help maintain trust, civil order, and prosperity in society. However, personal difference in terms of age, gender, nationality, and religious and political beliefs often serves as barriers.

It is imperative, then, to see beyond these differences, as Oprah does. Oprah did not decline the opportunity to interview members of the KKK because the organisation believes in white supremacy, a doctrine Oprah condemns. Nor did she refuse to interview rapists and paedophiles because of their harmful and inhuman actions. In every instance, Oprah sought to understand the other side for the greater good.

Almost everything we do involves people, and most of the time, the people we work and live with are very different from us. So how can we relate to such people? Perhaps the answer lies in Oprah's message to us. That we all share a common core of seeking validation, irrespective of our superficial differences. Let us focus on that core and try to see beyond the differences that lie on the outside, for doing so could radically transform our lives and that of others for the better.

Embrace the growth mindset

Our size and physical strength are not fixed, otherwise why would we work out and play sport competitively? Our skills and knowledge are not fixed, otherwise why would we get a degree or attend a vocational course? So why believe that our intelligence is fixed?

I think the view that one's intelligence is predetermined is mostly the result of our experiences from childhood. There was always that one boy or girl in the class who aced every test, usually without having to study very much. We would soon label such a person 'clever' or 'immensely intelligent', while sometimes calling those who perform less well 'stupid' or 'dumb'.

Unfortunately, I remember very well that the vast majority of students falling somewhat wrongly into the dumb category would gradually come to believe that their intelligence level was fixed and that nothing could help improve it. Most of these students would lose hope and consequently falter in class.

Nothing could be more untrue than a statement saying that intelligence is fixed

In supporting this judgement, I will recall two pieces of evidence. The first stems from the fact that the most important factor in achieving a top performance in tests and exams is not intelligence or IQ, but rather grit. Psychologists have shown that grit, the ability to study continuously and persevere day in and day out even if failure keeps occurring, is the biggest contributor to high scores on standardised tests and university exams. Please watch the TED talk on this topic: 

https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit

Second, Sal Khan, founder of Khan Academy, has highlighted the findings of Dr Carol Dweck as a major game-changing on this issue. Dweck shows that we adhere to one of two mindsets: fixed or growth. Those in the former group believe that intelligence is fixed by genes, whereas those in the latter group believe that their intelligence can grow through effort, struggle, and failure - the building blocks of grit.

An analogy with physical exercise may help illustrate the growth mindset. Like any muscle, the brain becomes more powerful when it is stretched and challenged. To strengthen my pectorals, I don't stick with my past routine, with which I am comfortable; I focus on a more challenging work-out and embrace the prospect of pain and discomfort. To strengthen one's brain, then, one must face new and difficult tasks rather than repeatedly completing tasks at which one is already successful.

Growth always involves a struggle. Bodybuilders and professional athletes embrace the growth mindset of their bodies and face the struggle that ensues. Individuals embracing the growth mindset of their minds also accept that they will struggle for some time before adapting to whatever it is they are studying or learning.

If I could go back in time, I would approach my fellow secondary school students, who naively believed that their intelligence was fixed, and declare the following: EMBRACE THE GROWTH MINDSET, ACCEPT THE STRUGGLE, AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE WILL GROW.

I repeat that same message to you.

Remembering our 'most basic common link'

Since the end of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, the world seems to have erupted into chaos. Our skies are not longer deemed safe. Historic schisms between Palestine and Israel have culminated in a ground invasion of Gaza, with over a thousand innocents lives needlessly lost. And more recently, we have witnessed the horrific beheading of a cherished American journalist by the Islamic State.

At this time of uncertainty, fear, and terror, our best hope for peace and prosperity perhaps lies in remembering our 'most basic common link': that in spite of our differing beliefs, views, and origins, we are all human beings and we all inhibit the planet earth, as a famous American president reminded the world in a tumultuous decade. Appreciating John F Kennedy's message could help the world overcome its present problems. 

Indeed, what is the point of plundering through two destructive world wars and facing the brink of mankind's destruction by nuclear war if we do not relate back to these experience to elicit guidance in order to solve the challenges we face today?

The heated circumstances of the Cold War, in which JFK lived and served his country, were far more severe than those currently in operation. If reaching a solution, however long and difficult to attain, was possible in that era, there is no reason why it is not possible to do the same in our present era. 

As JFK outlined, conflicts such as the one between Israel and Palestine and the rise of extremism through militant groups such as the Islamic State, are man-made problems; therefore, they can also be solved by mankind. 

Difficulties inevitably arise, however. There is no simple answer. There is no clear formula. Every challenge is context-specific and requires special attention. Achieving peace is the product of the efforts of many nations, over a sustained period of time.

Throughout this process, it is important to remember the most basic common link. Losing sight of the fact that there is indeed a special truce that unites Israelis and Palestinians or America and Russia is likely to result in attention being directed back onto differences, which only serves to exacerbate animosities. 

Quarrels will arise and conflicts of interest will occur because, while we are all human-beings, we are not the SAME human-being. However, this fact need not mean that peace is unattainable or that war is inevitable.

A possible solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, for example, does not necessitate that Israel love its Palestinian neighbour and vice-versa; it demands only that both sides offer tolerance to each other and set aside personal differences in the interest of achieving a more important mutual cause: that of peace, and not just for their time, but for all time. 

Moreover, defeating terrorist organisations such as Hamas and the Islamic State thus requires the United States, Europe, Russia, Israel, and other Middle-Eastern countries to remind the world of its most basic common link and the threat imposed to it by these militants, in the hope of achieving unity across the broad and executing a global strategy that draws out the peace needed to preserve humanity.  

Let us not forget our most basic common link. It is what unites us, preserves us, and gives us a purpose to solve seemingly unsolvable challenges. 

Always take care of yourself, no matter what

Life brings tragedy as much as it does fortune, perhaps even more so. Last month, my beautiful aunt tragically passed away, at the rather young age of 45. She was a person full of life, love, and care, responsible for running a nursery at which Iranian children would learn to speak basic English.

Upon reflecting on her passing away, I came across a paradox. How could someone so full of life suddenly become exposed to death? After some time, it become clear to me that my aunt had neither reached out to her relatives and friends as frequently as is needed nor had she kept her emotions in a state of control.

I cannot even imagine thinking of how many lives have been lost needlessly because the deceased were simply too consumed in their daily life that they had too little time to focus on and take of themselves. Just think of Robin Williams as another example.

A 21st century lifestyle is very fast-paced. We all have responsibilities to fulfil, deadlines to meet, and places to go. As we endeavour to meet these demanding tasks, we will invariably tire ourselves out, both mentally and physically, and in some cases, even impose a threat on our existence. Yes, it's true.

The warning expressed ruthlessly to me through the passing of a loved one, which I hope to pass on to you, is this: your health takes the utmost priority over anything else, even if you and others think otherwise. It's a simple point, though a much neglected one.

Indeed, my view is that, before one thinks about achieving more money, success, or fame, one should take good care of oneself and reach out to one's family and friends to do so. None of those things - money, fame, etc. - are worth a damn if your well being is poorly managed.

Moreover, if your health receives enough of your attention and time, and is therefore better managed, your productivity levels will shoot up and you will become able to study for another hour or two, go on that extra run, and party with friends at night without experiencing significant fatigue on the next day.

There are simple ways in which one can take better care of one's health: lie in for an additional hour one or twice a week; exercise at least two or three times a week for an hour; and get at least six-eight hours of sleep each night.

Yet managing one's emotions and feelings is somewhat more difficult. Perhaps the best solution here is to seek the support of another person; it does not matter whom seek, but it does matter that you release every ounce of stress and worry from your body by talking and interacting with that person in a meaningful way.

Always take good care of yourself, no matter what. There's nothing more important than that. 

Beyond the initial fear

When I first joined HABS, in 2008, I didn't like it one bit. Having previously studied at a mixed comprehensive school in the outskirts of Aberdeen, I considered the need to wear a uniform coercion and the absence of girls very archaic.

More importantly, I missed my friends in Aberdeen and I felt incredibly uncomfortable in my new surroundings. Moreover, every person in my year, at the time, was so small! An onlooker would have viewed me as a tall, detached Persian boy with a very heavy Scottish accent, trying to find his way to his physics class.

That said, going to HABS turned out to be one of the best decisions in my life; I had the privilege of receiving a first class education whilst simultaneously forming relationships with fellow students and teachers that will last me a lifetime.

Yet, looking back on the experience now, it all seemed somewhat weird and confusing at the start. This is the case with almost any significant change in one's life. However, the initial fear and the difficulty of settling in serve only to disguise the extent of the long-term benefit of that change.

You might find yourself changing schools, starting university or a new job, and, as some of my close friends have done, moving abroad to study. At first, it will be hard. The new atmosphere will be unfamiliar, the new people you are with will be unfamiliar, and the whole new experience will be, wait for it, very unfamiliar.

Businesses face the same problem as ordinary people do. When evaluating the decision of whether to join a new market, potential entrants consider possible ways to overcome the high barriers to entry. It takes time for a business to gain a satisfactory level of market share to establish itself among the incumbents.

Here's the crucial message: do not allow the prospect of initial fear and discomfort prevent you from taking risks and making unconventional choices that may benefit you more than those in line with the status quo.

This kind of fear is temporary; my initial fear in joining HABS certainly was, and as a believer in Darwinian evolution, I am convinced that everything will fall into place given the appropriate amount of time.

Many of the extraordinary developments in one's life, and those in the wider world, arise from these significant changes in circumstance. The price we pay for these developments is short-term pain, uncertainty, and discomfort. Considering what we are getting in return in most cases, I think that deal is a bargain. Don't you?

O Captain! My Captain!

A man who considered it his duty to instil happiness into other people more than into himself, Robin Williams, a person of great inspiration to me, has tragically passed away.

His talent was innumerable, not only in the sense of portraying characters varying from a pilot, a nanny, a teacher and a president, but also in achieving a unique balance of displaying both comedy and a deeper meaning in his films.

While watching Mrs Doubtfire as young child, to take one example, I could not help bursting into laughter whenever I heard that Scottish voice. While watching the same film again only a few months ago, as an adult, I slowly began to appreciate the importance of spending time with one's family, no matter how great the barriers may be.

The Dead Poets Society is another film that has profoundly influenced me (and I'm sure many others) to spread ideas and to dare to achieve the extraordinary. In an era when tradition and convention defined the parameters on which teaching would operate, Mr Keating made it his duty to break down such a narrow-minded approach to education, and instead widen the perspective of his students through exposure to poetry, a literature that provides limitless opportunities for expression and appreciation for each one, irrespective of its conformity to the status quo.

We need more teachers like Mr Keating. We need such people to help encourage young students to pursue the arts and the creative life, so that we produce fewer lawyers, bankers, and business people, and more philosophers, artists, musicians, and writers. I feel that Robin Williams, perhaps indirectly through the DPS, sincerely believed in producing the next Dickens, Emerson, and Nietzsche.

On a somewhat different note, the probable cause of his death is slightly distressing, but it projects an important message to us all: that anyone, no matter how successful, ebullient, or popular, can suffer from depression. What's worse is the fact that an outsider can hardly decipher between a person who is depressed and one who is not. How can we solve this grave problem?

One solution is simple. Be kind, always. By offering kindness to those around us on an unconditional basis, we not only prevent depression from happening, but we also give hope to those suffering from depression. Let me abundantly clear and admit that I have, god bless, never suffered from severe depression. That said, my experiences have shown that, if one can act as a source of life, energy, and purpose through kindness and love, one can also spread all that energy onto other people, some of whom might be suffering from depression.

So go forth with kindness and love, treating every person in this spirit, and the dark days may well pass us by. Rest in peace Robin Williams.

Answering the 'Why'

Most of us know what we do. My father is an engineer, my mother is a doctor, and I am a student. Most of us also know how we do what we do. My father uses computer software to predict the profitability of drilling an oil well, my mother works with other doctors to help cure sick patients, and I sit at my desk, occasionally reading a book or two. But very few of us know why we do what we do.

It is my sincere belief that, in answering the 'Why', we enable ourselves to achieve greater success and become more influential to those around us. 

Let me explain myself. Why is it that Apple earns more profit and has greater influence than its rivals? Why is it that Goldman Sachs is the leading global investment bank? Why is it that Dr Martin Luther King was the person that successfully led the Civil Rights Movement?

My conjecture is that Apple, Goldman Sachs, and Martin Luther King all answered the 'Why' before getting to the 'What' and the 'How'. 

Apple's vision involves challenging the status quo, thinking differently, and being willing to take risks to innovate. In explaining what the company believes, Apple attracts millions of customers who also believe in their vision, and it is primarily for this reason that Apple is able to sell highly and therefore achieve stratospheric levels of profit. 

The same applies for Goldman Sachs. On its website, Goldman Sachs explains 'Who we are' before it explains 'What we do'. By first outlining its principles of achieving diversity, valuing different experiences, and placing the needs of the client first, Goldman Sachs is able to capture the attention and interest of potential clients before explaining the ways in which it could assist such clients.

Martin Luther King, too, explained his vision in his 'I have a dream' speech in the summer of 1963, which resonated with many Americans, including government officials, and led to the passage of the Civil Rights Bill and the Voting Rights Act.

People relate to the 'Why' more than they do to the 'How' or the 'What'. 

Apple, Goldman Sachs, and Dr Martin Luther King are all considered inspiring world leaders because they understand the reality stated above. They appreciate the fact that outlining one's principles and value helps attract others who espouse similar perspectives. 

Moreover, as more and more people are attracted to companies such as Apple and Goldman Sachs, and people such as Martin Luther King, the world changes for the better, literally. We begin to obtain pieces of metal called computers that expose us to a wealth of knowledge; start-ups receive finance that helps facilitate their investments, which fuels economic growth; and we witness ethnic minorities achieve political and legal equality.

If we can answer the 'Why' before the 'How' and the 'What', we will grow in influence, and hence attract a wide range of other enthusiastic and like-minded people to our cause or purpose. Together, great things can be accomplished. 

A secret to perseverance

As an economics student, I study trade-offs all the time; and as a human being, I face trade-offs every day. Evidently, none of us can 'have it all', because both resources and time are scarce, so we must give up some things in order to have others things.

Consider the case of preparing for a job interview. In order to adequately prepare oneself for the interview, one must sacrifice time that could have otherwise been spent on enjoying, say, a leisurely activity. When making the decision of whether to prepare adequately, one would weigh the clear gain from preparing - in terms of the increased likelihood of getting the job - against the cost of missing out on an amount of pleasure from consuming leisure time.  

If it so happens that the gain is not considered to exceed the cost, then one would make the rational choice of not preparing adequately for the interview. This is entirely reasonable. 

Yet if we alter our attitude towards preparation, the decision could change. If, for instance, you see further gains to be obtained from preparation, such as increasing your knowledge of a particular industry or honing your (mathematical) skills by answering practice questions, then the benefit is not only a higher probability of landing the job, but also a personal development that will serve you well in the long-term. The latter could be more valuable than an extra hour or two of leisure time, even if the higher likelihood of getting the job is not.

Altering our outlook to what we do is important because, when things get tough in any task, preparing for a job interview or otherwise, and the alternative of greater leisure time becomes more appealing, perseverance is needed to continue. To persevere, we must see a purpose, a meaning, or a wider benefit in what we do, otherwise, why on earth would we put ourselves through the pain? Giving deep thought to some of the more subtle gains in your work could provide a purpose to continue. 

The take-home message is this: when one reaches the point at which one is considering 'giving up', one should consider some of the wider benefits that could be gained from continuing. In the case of preparation for an exam or an interview, it might help seeing the preparation as useful for all future exams and interviews to come, and not just for the one in the immediate term. 

Though at the same time, if, after much thought and reflection, you do not see such a benefit to you or a positive impact on other people, then letting go of the task at hand might actually be the better choice.

Surrendering yourself to an idea

When Mr Creedy asked V, in the movie V for Vendetta, why he would not die, V responded with the following: "Beneath this mask Mr Creedy, is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof". Surrendering yourself to an idea or a vision larger than yourself can be daunting; doing so cost V his life (V being a fictitious representation of Guy Fawkes).

Others like Dr Martin Luther King had a vision of legal and political equality for people of all races, and he paid for that realisation with his life. But the idea behind the person, movement, or group, remains very much alive forever.

Yet surrounding yourself to an idea that has a wider impact need not be so dramatic and extreme. In fact, devoting yourself to a principle that goes beyond satisfying your own interests adds purpose and meaning to your life, something we all desire to have.

Let's perform a quick thought experiment to examine this further. Imagine that you are in heaven and you are observing your funeral ceremony. A friend or a family member is giving an eulogy at this ceremony. What would you want that person to say about you?

Would you want to be remembered for your kindness and empathy towards others? Would you want to be remembered for giving up your time to help friends and family in need? Would you want to be remembered for serving an idea that has helped improve the lives of many people? Probably.

The fact that so many of us tend not to surrender ourselves to a larger vision is not because we are incapable, but perhaps because we already live a satisfying life. In my community, my peers and I have the comfort of a safe home, fabulous educational and career prospects, and a wonderful group of friends and family. That, in itself, is sufficient to add meaning to our lives.

But others are more daring, and one person in particular is especially daring; his name is Sal Khan. A graduate of MIT, Sal worked as a very successful hedge fund analyst in Boston. He was perfectly content with this lifestyle, for he had a wonderful wife supporting him and a fantastic career and education

However, upon realising that he could help educate millions of students around the world through his video tutorials, his previous lifestyle no longer seemed purposeful. So, Sal decided to give up his job at a hedge fund and instead started a website, called Khan Academy (some of you might use it), to offer a "world class education for anyone, anywhere".

Sal surrendered himself to an idea, and in doing so, he has helped millions of people, including me; we all need a hand with calculus now and then.

By no means am I suggesting that we should all dare to do big things and go about changing the world. I am simply saying that we should dare to see the bigger picture and find a purpose that is special to us and commit to it, day in and day out, for the greater good.

If this all resonates with you, why not join Sal and V in daring to surrender yourself to a vision that could attract hundreds of other people to you, and together, we can fulfil our dreams.

Hard work is exposure

First post, here it goes. Let me be cliche and talk about something we've all heard about before: hard work.

Hard work is a highly popular answer to the question, 'What leads to success?', and its variations. And indeed it should be. Without working hard and without pushing ourselves, we cannot grow and develop our skills, understanding, and awareness of whatever it is we are trying to achieve.

That said, hard work is rarely perceived as a 'nice thing'; in fact, hard work is often seen as being brutal, and it is certainly seen that way by me at times. Furthermore, hard work definitely requires sacrificing some of our deepest pleasures in return for a greater gain in the long-term. That's indisputable; it's simple economics.

But hard work also serves a valuable purpose: it gives us exposure to great ideas, great people, and great communities. What the heck does 'exposure' mean? Put simply, exposure refers to a situation in which you receive the privilege to experience an opportunity for development, either for yourself, or for other people, or both.

Let me give an example. One of my favourite role models is Michael Bloomberg, a former mayor of New York City. In a YouTube video (the link is at the end of this post), he cited hard work as a key contributor to his success.

Mike explained how, during his time at Saloman Brothers, he would be the first in at the office in the morning and the last to leave in the evening (or early morning of the next day). This type of hard work exposed Mike to a fantastic opportunity: a chance to form a close relationship with one of the Managing Directors at SB, William Saloman, because he would be the next person in the office after Mike. The two would discuss current affairs, activity in the stock market, and even Mike's future at the firm.

Now, it is quite clear that a young analyst like Mike would not have had the opportunity to talk with a MD at any other time of the day, but the fact that he, of all employees, got in early, meant that he had such an opportunity. Mike flourished at Saloman Brothers, though he got fired, but later became a billionaire and a successful mayor.

The point is that hard work is like a magnet that attracts wonderful things towards us, which only serves to help us achieve our greatest desires. Viewed from this perspective, hard work becomes less of a brutality, and more of an exciting adventure with high dividends for the participant.

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OToYQaUPWcA